I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
