I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Two words: nipple clamps
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