How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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