I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
