The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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