He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
