R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I wear drunk well.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
