saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
