we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
