I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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