When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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