she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just gift wrapped bread.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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