with your own penis?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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