I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
