Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
