worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
