Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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