just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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