so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
