so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
