Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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