I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
