bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
