What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
