Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
