I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
