It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
