remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
