woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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