Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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