it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
