i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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