Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
