I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
