Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
