your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
