I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
