after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
