The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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