Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
no you cant smoke seaweed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
