I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
