Non-Jews are for practice
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
