ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
