Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
