i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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