hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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