seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
