in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
