i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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