Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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