I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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