I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
